I think I've finally recovered from my drop for the most part anyway.
This drop was interesting in that I felt disconnected from life in general; things felt very surreal for me in my quiet moments. It wasn't depression as I know that all too well--it was just odd. Even though I was communicating with the Goddess, I was unable to feel Her presence as I usually do. It's entirely possible that I wasn't grounded enough to do so. I should try to do some work on my chakras the next time I drop as this may help. Problem is, I feel so drained of energy during my drop, it makes it hard to do anything.
And if it seems like I'm bitching about my drop, please accept my apologies because all in all, it was tolerable; goodness knows the scene that caused it was worth this drop and all the drops I've experienced so far.
The most recent play party I attended was at the home of a local Mistress. I am sure meeting a lot of Mistresses/Dommes these days. They, as a group, are fascinating to me probably because they are on the flip side of things. It's a whole other way of being which is quite lovely.
Folks from Harbor and Ardent were there as well as some other folks I'd never met before. Willow was actually able to attend the entire party, which was very nice. I was really eager to watch her scene with her newly acquired male sub, who turned out to be adorable and sweet.
Of course, there was the obligatory eating, drinking, and socializing that went on. I managed to chat with some folks I didn't know very well which was nice. They turned out to be witches/pagans and had a very nice energy; I'm hoping to get to know them better.
When folks began wandering down to the dungeon, I didn't immediately go join them. Rowan wasn't ready to scene and I was enjoying the conversations going on around me. However, I was very aware of being afraid of the pain I was about to receive from Rowan; the previous scene had been amazing but it really had pushed my limits--I had great difficulty tolerating and managing the pain, which I hate. I want to be able to take whatever Rowan or any of my partner's inflict on me, I want to be pushed--what I don't like is being confronted by my limits and not being able to get past them or work around them in some way. I hate that shit. For some reason, I feel very defeated when I hit these limits and feel that I have failed.
Eventually, I wandered downstairs to watch others' scene. It was a very intimate, cozy dungeon and a nice place to gather.
I noticed that one of the Mistresses was using a potato peeler on some kind of vegetable. It took me a few seconds to realize it was The Dreaded Ginger Root!!!!!!! From Hell!!!!!! I immediately felt empathy for whichever boi was getting that up his ass tonight and relief that it was not going to be me. Whew! Sometimes my deductive reasoning is sorely lacking.
By the time we were both ready to scene, all of the other solid surfaces (the cross, spanking bench, stocks) were taken so I ended up being chained to an overhead bar that was suspended from the ceiling. I actually liked this position a lot, but didn't feel very secure on it. I kept wishing for some solid thing I could lean against, something that would help support me a bit better than me, myself, and I. You'd think that between the three of us, this wouldn't be an issue.
Rowan warmed me up in the amazingly sensuous way he always does. He's so yummy!!!! The warm up is always so hypnotic for me, allowing me to go deeper places with him.
I ended up wearing a blindfold that said Not Likely on it. I have no idea who it belonged to, but it served its purpose. At one point during our scene Rowan threw something over my head which I also liked; it turned out to be his shirt.
And the rest is going to have to wait for another post. The scene between Rowan and I kicked up a lot of stuff for me and deserves its own thread. I'll try to post it in the next few days.
0 comments:
Post a Comment